From the Passenger’s Seat to Driver’s Seat

One of my earlier memories as a young adult was smiling ear to ear sitting in the passenger’s seat, while my father drove his blue jeep through the back roads of Massachusetts. Over the years, my father endured throat cancer, frequent heart attacks, and Parkinson's disease. Throughout all of this, I watched my mother navigate these challenging times with my father, fighting to get him the best care. I grew up in a family of 3 boys, with a mom who made me practice over and over again with a tiny back window how to parallel park. I was super lucky to land in this family and have strong role models to make me who I am today. My mom, a nurse, taught me what it meant to be in the driver’s seat - to stand up for myself and what I think is right.

When I got my breast cancer diagnosis, I was now in the driver’s seat. The first step was to find out the answer to the awful question - Had the cancer spread to other parts of my body? As I lay in the MRI machine, motionless, my whole body being scanned, I only had my own thoughts and fears to distract me from the loud banging noises and vibrations around me.

After the diagnosis, came the need to make big decisions. The first specialist I saw wanted to be very aggressive. She wanted to blast the cancer with chemo and then perform a mastectomy, obliterating the cancer from my body and relying on the fact that I was young to help me bounce back. It didn’t feel right. The idea of losing part of my body in my 30’s was overwhelming. With the cancer only being at Stage 2, a full mastectomy just didn't seem right. 

I had to listen to my body and do what was best for myself, so I went to seek a second opinion.

The second opinion I received felt right, and in line with my own priorities and needs. Not only did this new doctor want to preserve as much breast tissue as possible, she connected me with a fertility specialist. Today, many women I know are freezing their eggs, but 7 years ago this wasn’t typical. Processing all these decisions about which treatment and fertility options were right for me was tough. 

I struggled to make sense of it all, but I knew that the decision was mine. It wasn’t up to the doctors to decide for me.  It was my job to know that the diagnosis was not the end of the story. I needed to evaluate my options, and make the call. With every decision I made, I felt stronger. I resolved that I was going to get this cancer out of my body, and I was going to do it the way that was right for me.

Despite knowing I was moving forward with a treatment plan, I had many more decisions to make.  The doctors kept reminding me that chemo was waiting for me and I needed to start soon. I began with the fertility treatments that consisted of two rounds of hormone treatments and egg extractions. This process is a story that I’ll write about in the future. It was incredibly challenging to get through 2 rounds of hormone treatments back to back.  But, I had to move swiftly because I didn’t have the luxury to wait.

Ultimately, I froze my eggs and kept my breasts. I'm grateful that I had a role model of my mother growing up, teaching me that I had to advocate for myself. I was in the driver’s seat.  I knew to ask questions, knew to do research, and knew I could push back and say, no. 

Unfortunately, since that journey, I've learned that many women diagnosed with breast cancer don't know they have options and don’t know they can say no to the person in the white coat. They don't know that they have a right to a voice, a right to ask questions, and a right to seek out a second opinion.

With Koa Life, we're changing all that. Now that we have our status as an official 501c3 nonprofit, we feel more energized than ever to help young women become informed and empowered to advocate for themselves. We're working to provide the tools and resources so that women know what questions to ask, and know where to get the information that's relevant to them. It's a daunting and terrifying experience. But with the right information and support, young women who are navigating through their breast cancer journeys can be empowered to take the driver’s seat.